~~Celebrity Rehab, its gonna be a great nite~~

Wow, its Thursday already, this week going by so fast. Was watching "The View", but Obama started talking so I thought I would write for a few minutes. Tonight Celebrity Rehab is on. Has anyone ever watched this show? I love it. Some day I would like to find a way to help people with additions, but that's a hard job to take on. People usually don't stop until they're ready to stop. I know way too many who are addicted to something. Anyway, back to the show. You know some of it is acting, because after all, most of them are famous for acting, but it's still sad, especially Jeff. He can be so funny, and at the same time he makes me so sad. And the model, I forgot her name, she is addicted to Xanax and pills like this. I feel her pain. I too, am taking Xanax, but I feel as I really need them. If I tried to stop, I would have severe panic and would have to go the hospital. Her mom is on them as well. She says her mom started her on them. That's sad. I hope my daughter doesn't start thinking pills are a way to live. I try not to take them around her, but sometimes when I'm having a very back panic attack, I have to. I had some anxiety this morning, but feel a little better now, not much, but can relax a little. I want more then anything to be able to go out my door, without having fear. Fear of the unknown is what it is. But usually I know where I'm going( I hope I do, or I better come back in..lol), so I don't know why its so hard to leave this apartment. Anyway, I have Celebrity Rehab to look forward to tonight. Also Grey's is on, love that show too. If I can just make it till tonight. I love nite time, I put on my Jammie's, watch my tv, and feel secure (this is my most secure part of the whole day). 5:00 is the worst part of my day for some reason. I think its because I go down to my moms and see my daughters dad. He makes me nervous, but I feel as if I have to meet him there every day. And my dad is 67, and he wants me to stop by and see him everyday. He gets upset if I don't. My dad gets up and goes out to the garage everyday and drinks his beer, and there is no heat in the garage, but he insists on staying outside all day long. He listens to his radio, drinks his beer, the comes in at night about 8pm. Go figure. He doesn't get drunk though, he spaces his beer out through out the day.

Sincerely, Barbara :)