Tuesday, July 29, 2008

My secret thought of the day..

Well, last night was not a good night, so I woke up feeling depressed. Thats what took me so long to write in my blog today. Remember me talking about my daughters daddy living in his van. Well, last night his friends told him he couldn't use there electric anymore. So, he stayed in his van without power. So, of course, he called me at 9pm saying those words I used to hear when he lived with his dad; they were "Come get me ******* now"...I got sick to my stomach, and all those old feelings started to resurface again. So, like a fool, I got in my truck and drove to where he was, because you see, by then, he was good and drunk. I am afraid if I don't go when he calls, he will drive to my house and cause a big scene, or kill someone trying to drive drunk. So, I got in my truck, and drove to him....by then, i was in tears, that I could not control. Thank God, he got things straightened out, and I got to come home without an argument. All day today I was wondering what tonight would bring. He gets to continue to use their electric for now. But omgoshh,,,there is no way I can live with him again. But, he helps me with my bills, so I feel guilty if I don't run when he hollars. I need help badly. I sure do wish I would get one of those jobs so I can go on with my life and not depend on anyone to help me out.
My daughter has been real mean this week also. She is 14, but acts like she is 8..don't know what to do with her. She does nothing I ask her to do, and she stays on my computer and will not give it to me. She will scream at me, if i just take it, and i live in an apartment, so people can hear everything. I want to move into a house so bad. But first i have to get one of those jobs...man, I pray God hears my prayers, and gives me one of those work at home jobs really soon. All my bills are due now, some over due.. So these are my secret thoughts today, not good ones, and I hope tomorrow will be a better day. God bless everyone...
Barbara :)

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