Friday, July 18, 2008

Today is not a good day!!!

Good afternoon to all. I woke up quickly this morning, as i always do. For some reason, when i wake up, i have really bad anxiety. I feel like if i sleep past 7am, the pleasure police will come and arrest me. Ever since i started having my anxiety problem a few years ago, my life has not been the same. I can't complete anything I start. I've been trying to finish college since 2002...wow, that is a long time to try and get a degree. It's not because I am stupid, but because I start having panic attacks, and have to drop out of my classes. Not good. Right now I have a major headach, and my thoughts are going crazy. I need a job badly, but can't find one that I can keep, due to this anxiety problem. So, I thought just maybe, I could start blogging, and see how this goes. I need a break from this thing called life.

Anyway, as I started out saying, I woke up, feeling as if I don't deserve to sleep, since I am not working, I feel as if my neighbors are wondering what I do all day long. Does she work? Is she just rich...lol...I wish? Is she on welfare, that lazy woman? All these thoughts go through my head, especially in the morning, as soon as I wake up. So I rush out of bed, fix my coffee...thank God for coffee....and get dressed...Get dressed for what I always ask myself. It's not like I am heading to work. Thats why I start having panic attacks early in the morning. Hopefully one day I can just lay in my bed, and feel that simply pleasure of sleeping in.
Have a wonderful day everyone, and please return. I will have lots of conversations about my secrets from past experiences ( which is really unbeliveable to hear) and my secret thoughts, my inner feelings about life, men, work, school, children, and lottttsssss of Art topics, my real passion. Oh yeah. ...my wonderful God above me, who without Him, i would probably not even be here to write. God bless you!!

Sincerely, Barbara :)

3 comments:

SmushPants said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SmushPants said...

A good friend of mine suffered from anxeity and panic attacks. She discovered the book "From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett. She said it really helped her to gain back control in her life...may be worth checking out??

Kateedyd said...

I have a lot of anxiety issues too. Not quite as extreme as yours seem but none the less, it's always there. It could be anything from low esteem to total insomia, which I have A LOT! It's hard to manage sometimes because I'm at home with the baby all day. It gets to be hard to function sometimes. Like now, I only am taking small naps than sleeping at night. It's not good but as long as I'm functioning and feel like I'm doing something productive, then it's okay.