Friday, August 15, 2008

~~Getting a little personal~~

Hello people's...Hope everyone is having a great day so far. Just getting ready to clean house and head down to my moms house, like I do everyday. I don't know how many of you watch "Big Brother", but I am totally addicted to it. Last night Libra was sent packing her bags. In a way I liked her, because she was playing the game good, but I also didn't like the way she made comments about the older people on the show. That kind of put her out of the game in my eyes. There is a woman on there, Reeny, who is 54, and then Jerry, who is 75. During one of the competitions, she said they should put one of each(the older players) on each team to even out the odds. Meaning the older people was the reason her team kept losing. I held that against her, now shes out. Hold on, I need to go and get me a diet Pepsi max from the frig...
OK, I'm back, I love Pepsi max. Its diet, but taste sweet..I know I drink way too much Pepsi but can't help it. I have an addictive personality. If I'm not addicted to one thing, then its another. Not meaning anything bad, mainly foods, or diet drinks. I do take my xanax for my anxiety, and I believe I can't live without it. When I am having anxiety, I have to take one, but it usually doesn't help me until about 15 minutes after having panic, but then I feel better, so if that makes me addicted, then so be it.
Last summer I went to court because I was trying to receive disability, after not being able to work for such a long time. I got a denial letter within 3 months of going to court saying reasons why I was denied. One of the reasons was me taking my medicine(xanax), and the fact that I was trying to go to school. Also, because I can take care of myself and my daughter without outside assistance. Oh, and that I can drive. So, unless your a completely helpless, one can't receive disability for anxiety. They don't care if you only have panic while your in public..dah..thats when people who have panic attacks usually have them. I am OK at home most of the time, and can do everything that needs to be done. The judge was looking at me like I was an idiot or something. I never felt so much like a low life then I did when I went to court that day. Everyone said, or re-apply, heck no to that. They can keep there money. I will find work if its the last thing I do on this earth. Well, going to clean, that always relaxes me, and right now, after talking about the court issue, and all that, I am feeling a little sick. I hate that I have to suffer with anxiety. It will not go away. One of the reasons me and all my past relationships didn't work in the past is because I could not go into places with them. I can't eat in any place, and its hard to go to public places no matter how hard I try. They didn't believe I don't have control over this situation. Once when I was married, my then husband threw his food at me because we had to take our fast food to the park and eat it, because I could not go in. When we got to the park, they had forgot to put his fork in the bag, and he already had a bad temper, but that day, he completely went off on me. So, life has been really hard for me trying to deal with anything and everyone. God bless you all, and have a great day.
Sincerely, Barbara :)

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