Saturday, August 9, 2008

~~Good Morning~~

Good morning all..Well, I failed my ChaCha test, so I can now take that job off my list. Oh well, it probably would have been to stressful for me anyways...searching for answers in 2 minutes..I believe that would have put me over the edge..trying to look at this optimistically. That just means God has something better for me. When a door closes, there is always another door about to be opened. I know God will not let me stay in this state of mind. He knows I need money; He knows about my anxiety, so I know He has something else for me to do. Only time will tell. At least I don't have to worry about my daughter getting her hair done today. Her daddy is taking her, and paying for it. Thank if I can convince her to forget about the trip on Monday to Holiday will be OK. I wish she would just say,"Mom, I don't want to go to Holiday World..don't worry about it" but she keeps saying "I have to go" Please Lord let her change her mind, so my mind can rest this weekend..Then on Monday, I will worry about how I'm going to pay my cable and phone bill..omgoshhh...Life is hard isn't it? You get past one thing, and then another thing just comes up. In 7 weeks I will have my student loan, and I can pay all my bills, but in the mean time, I will be suffering through each day, wondering what to do. I wish i could get my mother to help me, but my other sister is taking pretty much all her money. My sister got evicted from her home in October, and my mom has been paying for her and her family to stay in a motel all this time...Every Friday my sister calls my mom and asks her to come and give her 180 dollars. And my mom does..I love my mom, but when I need help, she frowns, and usually says "have Adam help you" that is my daughter's daddy. I don't blame her for saying that...but it just isn't fair. I remember last summer while I was waiting on a letter from the disability office because I was trying to receive SSI...I had to ask my mom for money to pay me electric bill, which was 190 dollars...She didn't answer me for a long time...but then she said, OK, but acted really mad at me. That hurt my feelings so much, that I told myself I would rather go live in the street then ask my mom for anything else...then in October, she had to start helping my sister...Yeah, she complains, but keeps doing it...If it were me, she would have already put a stop to it...So I can't ask for help. The only person that I can ask is Adam...and then he also makes me feel badly. So, I am just a burden on everyone...Sometimes i wish I didn't have to do it anymore.
Well, have to go and get my daughter ready..Her daddy is coming to pick her up for her hair appointment. God bless everyone, and have a great Saturday.
Sincerely, Barbara

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