~~Big Brother update and More~~

Well, I finally got accepted for PPP, now I just have to figure out how to download the toolbar. Nothing is easy for me. I get good news, then some bad news. Well, its not really news I have known about for a while now, but decided to put it out of my mind this week.
So last week I had to borrow 160$ from my mom for cable, phone and Internet. On August 27th my electric is due to be disconnected. (I did pass my test with NTI, but I have to wait on my 2nd interview before job starts, and my student loans are still like 4weeks away). So, I decided to call the Trustees office or a church around here for some kind of assistance just until I can pay this bill. I did not want to have to ask my mom again because I hate doing that. I would rather do anything then ask her. So I decided on the Trustees office and a a church around here. BIG MISTAKE!!! The Trustees office drilled me like nothing I've ever been through in my life, well next to last summer when I went to court to try and receive disability in which I didn't get. Since I have a phone, Internet and cable, they can't help me, and since I am a student, they can't assist me with anything. AND, the 2 churches were the same way. I always thought churches were suppose to be there for you in a time of need. Not these two. The lady I talked to said I would have to fill like 10 forms, and show proof of how I pay for gas for my truck, and insurance. She said "Well don't you think you should have paid your electric before borrowing money to pay for cable, phone and Internet." I told her, "Well, I guess I could have and me and my daughter can go sit in the yard and watch trees grow for entrainment, instead watching TV." And I said I need my phone and Internet for the jobs I am looking for and going to do online. I would have borrowed the money for the electric bill, but it wasn't in disconnect mode yet, and the other bills were. I felt so humiliated and dirty. I told her to just forget it, I would rather go ask my mom then be put through all this. She brought my anxiety level to a level that just about made me pass out. I was sweating and crying by the time I got off the phone. Pure hell, and I told her I will never call again for any kind of assistance from the government. Now, I have to ask my mom again. I wish my life would just take a turn for the better, and I get that job, and my blog does good, and I get iDictate, and get my student loans, all at once. One of these days when I feel stronger I am going to do something about how the system treats people who try and get assistance. I know there are people out there who abuse it, but heck, I am trying so hard to better myself. I even said I would sign over my truck until I paid them back...she just laughed(while I was crying inside). She said, "Oh things will get better" and I felt like saying "That's easy for you to say, you're sitting in your office with a nice job not getting ready to have electric disconnected, but I just shut up and told her to have a great day and hung up the phone. Oh well.

I was going to go to the bookstore today, but after my conversation with her, I lost my courage to go out the door. I lay ed down for a while, and got back up. My daughter's daddy called me and asked what was wrong and I told him. He told me "It will be paid, don't worry about it, I will take care of it." I know I am talking a lot about this problem, but I'm tired of something happening every day.

Last night was "Big Brother" night, and April was the one sent packing. She was sort of a you know what, so I didn't mind her going home. Check that show out sometimes, its pretty interesting. Next week their is a double eviction, and I can't wait. Scared to see who will go. i think I want Jerry to win because he is 75 years old, and I think since he served in the Military, (I have lots of passion for the Military), that he should win. He has had a long life, and deserves to see a big reward from God especially for him. Go Jerry, Go Jerry!!
It's raining here, but thank God we are not getting what Florida is getting this week. We had our flood in June, and I hope it doesn't come back here. I pray that all Florida people are okay.
Well, I need to get off here and do some things before I pick my daughter up from school. You all have a wonderful weekend, and God bless you all.
Sincerely, Barbara :)